my head came out backwards

when i was born

i must have been choking

on my umbilical cord

the doctors took one look at me

they said good fuckin luck

i hope he doesn't turn out

to be a stupid schmuck



everything went wrong with me

everything went wrong

everything went wrong with me

everything went wrong



i can still remember

my first day at school

i punched my best friend in the eye

it really wasn't cool

never had a girlfriend

never had a job

maybe it's because i look like

a motherfuckin slob



everything went wrong with me

everything went wrong

everything went wrong with me

everything went wrong